Horse Eats Checkbook, Owner Shrugs

Really, what else is new?

Today, a Paint horse in Maryland ingested his owner’s checkbook. The timing could not be worse, as board checks are due on the first of the month. Yet his owner was remarkably calm, brushing off the incident.

“It literally makes no difference at all to me,” the horse’s owner said, giving him a pat, “This #$&@% horse has already eaten up the rest of my money.”

Indeed, the gelding has cost his owner a fortune this year, with mysterious on-and-off lameness and sensitive skin that requires expensive ointments. He has also destroyed two sheets and a heavyweight blanket this winter.

“And that’s not even counting when he landed me in the hospital,” said the owner, “Lesson learned there. Do some groundwork before you ride when your horse has been in for a couple days from the polar vortex.”

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary in the moments just before the incident. The horse has a habit of nosing around unattended groom boxes, knocking them over just to watch the contents scatter, often spooking himself in the process.

“I saw him do it,” a fellow boarder said, “He was rooting around on the ground, and I got ready to snap a picture when I saw him pick something up.” It was only seconds later when she realized that the Paint wasn’t just goofing around with one of his brushes.

“He seemed to take a sort of gleeful pleasure in chomping down on it, actually,” she noted.

His owner will just have to figure something out, according to the barn manager, who is up to here with boarders turning in their checks late.

“I’m just surprised he could find it,” the barn manager said, “Normally his owner’s checkbook goes missing around the first of the month; it’s really weird.”

The horse declined to comment.

Go Riding!