Remix: Top 20 reasons why horses are NOT like potato chips

“Horses are like potato chips–You can’t have just one.” I just want to take a moment to strongly disagree on so, so many levels.

While I appreciate the reference–I’ve been known to destroy a whole bag of potato chips in one sitting–I would be perfectly happy to own just one horse. In fact, if you catch me in the right mood, like when I’ve just received another giant vet bill in the mail, I would gladly trade you one of my horses for a bag of potato chips (p.s. This is important: I like Nacho Cheese Doritos). Below, I’ve outlined a list of reasons why:

TOP 20 REASONS WHY HORSES ARE NOTHING LIKE POTATO CHIPS

1. You don’t have to purchase a truck and trailer to carry potato chips home from the grocery store.

2. Potato chips don’t require a new set of $100+ shoes every six weeks.

3. Storing a bag of potato chips in your cupboard doesn’t cost hundreds of dollars each month.

4. Potato chips will go over pretty much any jump you like, provided you give them a good toss.

5. Potato chips are salty in a good way.

6. It’s impossible to fall off a potato chip.

7. Horses are as breakable as potato chips, but they’re way more expensive to fix.

8. Potato chips will never humiliate you in public.

9. When it’s freezing cold or blazing hot, you don’t have to go outside to eat your potato chip.

10. You don’t needs thousands of dollars worth of equipment to eat a potato chip.

11. Potato chips may go straight to your hips, but horses go straight for your bank account.

12. You don’t need to take lessons to learn how to eat potato chips.

13. Most people wouldn’t take out a second mortgage on their home to invest in a promising young potato chip.

14. When a horse decides to “dip” you, it’s not gonna taste like guacamole.

15. If you sit on a bag of potato chips, the worst thing that could happen is that it pops.

16. If you spent half as much on a potato chip habit as you do on your horse habit, you would weigh 500 pounds and people would think you were insane.

17. You don’t have to dress up like a time traveler from 17th century England to eat a potato chip.

18. Helmets, safety vests and medical armbands aren’t currently required for potato chip consumption.

19. You don’t have to sign a liability release form before you eat a potato chip.

20. A potato chip will not take over your life completely.

One of the little girls at my barn, Lainey, and my KWPN garbage disposal Amadeus, who apparently is a big fan of Doritos as well.