Losing and Gaining Confidence: Having Unrealistic Expectations for Our Riding Level
“We’ve all been taught to reach for the stars and to keep trying when we fail. However, that sometimes puts us in a place where we expect too much of ourselves and our equine partners. We focus on the end goal instead of where we are in the present moment.”
Horse Nation is excited to announce a new series that will focus on one of the trickier parts of riding: confidence. Confidence is one of those fragile elements that, once shaken, can be hard to regain. In this series, staff writer Marcella Gruchalak will discuss a variety situations that can cause a rider’s confidence to crumble and practical approaches that have helped her rebuild her confidence.
As riders and competitors, we know there is a nearly infinite number of situations that can decrease our confidence level while riding. These situations can be anything from taking a fall to losing a trusted equine partner to browsing other people’s social media successes too often. Any of these factors can create uncertainty, fear, and/or difficulty finding enjoyment in the sport.
In this series, I want to focus on a variety of these situations and discuss ways to work through them. These are all things that I’ve experienced, and the methods I am discussing are things that have helped me regain confidence as a rider. We’ve all been there. The experience of losing confidence — for lack of a better term — sucks. But, if you keep putting yourself in the right situations and state of mind, the confidence does come back.
Having Unrealistic Expectations for Our Riding Level
We’ve all been taught to reach for the stars and to keep trying when we fail. However, that sometimes puts us in a place where we expect too much of ourselves and our equine partners. We focus on the end goal instead of where we are in the present moment. This KILLS confidence. High expectations accompanied with the inability to meet goals leads us to believe that we’ll never be that grand champion, overall winner, or top competitor.
I lived the unrealistic expectations life for probably the first year of my adult riding career. I had colorful dismounts probably every one out of three rides. I hit the ground for numerous reasons. My horse jumped the creek, I was in the water. My horse walked too close to a tree, I stayed in that tree. My horse took off through a field, I ended up in the only bush in that field. My horse spooked at the sun coming into the arena at the open door, I laid in the dirt in that sunny spot. But, I put myself in those positions because I thought I was a much better rider than I really was. It was a humbling experience that cost me confidence I could have been building instead of losing.
This is how I regained my confidence in this situation:
- Adjusting my expectations from being the best to doing my best. This allowed me to evaluate my rides honestly and celebrate little successes.
- Understanding that great riding takes more than a year. To master anything, research states that you need to do it for at least 10,000 hours. To put that into perspective, that’s three hours a day for 10 years!
- Understanding that my horse and I may not be on the same page. It’s not just me out there. I have a teammate that also has a mind of its own. I may be functioning at a higher level and my horse may be at a lower level or vice versa. Goals need to be set at the correct level for both the rider AND horse to be confident together.
Canva/CC
When it comes to rebuilding your confidence with your horse, keep going. There is no one cure-all method to regaining confidence. Riding horses is hard work that takes courage and mental toughness. Every rider, amateur to professional, has points in their riding career where they experience fear, self-doubt, and insecurity. Keep working at it and trying your best and you’ll find the confidence does eventually come back.
