Be Careful What You Name For

Be very careful what you call your horse, they normally end up living up to their names. (A tongue-in-cheek naming guide.)

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What’s in a name? Potentially, a lot more than you bargained for. (Take our humorous guide with a grain of salt! This is meant to be FUN, folks.)

Gypsy: the classic name for any cheap mare you got from a shady source. By naming your horse something exotic like “gypsy,” you probably will think your horse will end up all fancy, willing to please and HAPPILY cart around your husband AND children.

In reality, “Gypsies” do live up to their name and move from one home to the next — not from their nomadic heritage, but from their unstable and unpredictable nature. They tend to be high strung, like to toss their heads (no matter what bit you try) and hate getting into the trailer. All Gypsies have good feet though, and rarely need shoes. Standing for the farrier, on the other hand, is another topic all together.

Buck: Let me guess — your horse is buckskin/dun in color. These horses, nine times out of ten, always live up to their name, and I’m not talking about their color. Bucks will always buck, and buck unpredictably. They tend to do really well for a long time (like really, really, best friend status good), and then when you finally let your guard down, next minute you’re eating dirt. Best bet? Name them Dunny, even if they don’t have dun markings. Close enough.

Skippy/Skipper/Skip: I can put money on it that your horse is a red quarter horse that even if not registered and has Impressive somewhere down in his line. These horses are stocky, calm, got great personalities and go lame on a regular basis. Skippies make great husband/beginner horses (because it hurts too much to do anything more than a walk).

Skippy horses are notorious for having a solid red color, some sort of white marking on their face and one rear white sock. These horses originally sold for upwards of 10k, but you probably picked up your Skipper for under 2k because you promised him a loving, forever home.

Flash: Flashes are all the same. Way too much energy, super snorty, super prone to colic, but super willing under saddle. Flash would jump off a cliff for you if you asked him, but he’d be scared manure-less if you rode him when the wind was blowing, or a plastic bag got within a 50-foot radius of him. Flash always stays sound, will live into his late 30s, and probably has four white stockings.

Blue: If I had to put money on it, “Blue” is probably a blue roan. Blues tend to be really broncy their first couple of years on the planet. At this time, they make great rodeo-type horses and will really make a name for yourself if you’re a trainer and can stay on; you’ll also make a (different) name for yourself if you’re a trainer and can’t stay on. As they age, they grow a ginormous brain and will out perform most horses. Sometimes Blues will outsmart their owners, but they’re so smart you won’t even realize they’re doing it.

Angel: This horse is the antichrist of anything angelic. Angel is code word for “devil with four hooves.” Satan himself only has two hooves, so you get an idea.

Angels always seem to be plain bay in color to hide their devilish ways, until you get them home and try and bond with them. If you do own an Angel, it’s best to become very religious if not so already, because you’ll be doing a lot of praying on a regular basis.

Bud: Bud is the name of geldings that are easy going, great to ride and LOVE to crib. Bud will be your best friend, and you’ll love him forever and ever… even if he has no front teeth. Bud loves kids, loves women, loves men and even will put up with goats. Bud is a man of routine and needs to be fed on a very strict schedule, otherwise he’ll crib himself into a frenzy. Bud tends to be that “beer-drinkin’ safe riding horse” that everyone wants, but ended up with an “Angel” instead.

Go riding.