Weird Things I’ve Said to My Horse

Good thing they don’t understand that much English. We think.

Let’s face it… sometimes being a horse parent is hard. Like children they can be impatient, cranky, way too hyped up on sugar, and sometimes a little spiteful. My husband often jokes that my relationship with Joey is a reflection of how I will be when I become a mother (in the far off distant future). We have a odd relationship, which I think every horse owner probably has and with my natural tendency to lean towards sarcasm sometimes I can be heard saying some strange things to my equine child…

“Why is your head so high, you freak of nature?”

Joey, I am not sure if you have forgotten how to horse or not…but you can’t see where you are going if your head is facing the sky. Photo by Emily Peters

“This is why we can’t have nice things…”

“Stop. Stop. STOP. Stop chewing on his blanket. His mother hates you. Don’t be that kid at daycare that no ones mom invites to birthday parties.”

Typical Joey. Head is high. Blanket is a mess. And notice the blanket in the floor behind him that he tore off of the blanket rack… Photo by Meagan DeLisle

“Step on my foot again and I will step on yours,” I said matter of factly as he glared at me through the corner of his eye… test me, Joey… test me.

“I am sure you think this makes you look fancy, but it’s annoying.”

Joey, you are not a dressage horse. Stop with the fancy footwork and stand still. Photo by Luis Perez

“You’re pretty cute when you’re not pretending that you’re the destroyer of all things.”

“Can you not?” I use this statement for a variety of scenarios….Can you not kick the stall door while you are waiting for your food? Can you not dragon glare at the pony in the paddock by the ring? Can you not spook at the jump we have walked by 4 times now?

Can you not stare at your neighbor over the top of your stall? Photo by Meagan DeLisle.

“Please don’t run me over. That’s not polite.”

“Can we pretend like we are a happy family for one photo? Just one?”

This is how 80% of our cute pictures together wind up. Photo by Luis Perez

But, as all true equestrians know, it isn’t always going to be sunshine and rainbows. Despite mine and Joey’s quirky relationship, I love that horse more than anyone could imagine and I think he loves me when you count up all the times he has saved my butt that he shouldn’t have. He’s a weirdo — but he is my weirdo and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Except, he COULD stop stepping on me. I would be okay with that change.

Go riding.