6 Sure-Fire Ways to Alienate Your Non-Horsey Partner

A tongue-in-cheek list.

“Isn’t this great, babe?” Pixabay/gpalmisanoadm/CC

Six ways to make sure your partner in life wishes they were single:

1. Insist on the finest-quality ingredients for your horse’s meals while making sure every dinner you prepare for your significant other is either Hamburger Helper or ramen noodles.

2. Combine your vacation savings and farrier visits into one account. While your horse is sporting his monthly set of four gold-dipped aluminum shoes, inlaid with details crafted from rhinoceros tusks, you’re both sipping malt liquor on the concrete beach of Y.M.C.A.’s pee-filled neighborhood pool.

3. Demand that your renewal of vows takes place horseback, even though your S.O. is both deathly afraid and highly allergic to horses.

4. Have a weekly massage therapist, professional groom and chiropractor all visit your horse, but throw a hissy fit because your partner insists on getting a hair cut at Sport Clips instead of from you.

5. Making your man go to your all-day-long horse show… on Super Bowl Sunday.

6. Convince your partner that you both need a truck to pull that boat they always wanted… after you just signed papers on a farm house, eight hours from even a puddle of water.

Don’t forget the non-horsey ones in your life. But in the meantime… go riding.