Realizing You and Your Horse Don’t Click
It’s not you, it’s us.
There comes a time in every equestrian’s riding career when they look at their horse and realize, “We’re just not a good fit.” Maybe it’s after a fall or maybe you start to dread the thought of riding at all. Whatever the moment, it becomes clear — your horse might need a different partner, one who can truly appreciate their unique qualities, even if those qualities don’t mesh with your own.
I’m not saying horses and humans don’t have rough patches, but sometimes — and you’ll know when — it’s like a bad relationship. There’s no spark. There’s no chemistry. And after a while, it’s less about working through it and more about realizing that neither of you is having any fun.
Photo by Marlee Fritz
Here are six signs that maybe it’s time to consider you and your horse aren’t a good match.
1. You’re Afraid to Get On
It’s one thing to be cautious of your horse’s power, but when you dread the idea of getting on them, that’s a red flag. While there’s the fear of not trusting your horse, many times it comes from realizing that you and your horse don’t speak the same language.
Maybe the horse is overly reactive, spooking at shadows. Maybe he’s just plain lazy, or maybe she’s an overachiever. Maybe the horse needs an assertive rider or quieter hand. Whatever the case may be, when your horse starts to make you second-guess your abilities — or worse, afraid to get on — it’s worth considering if the relationship is healthy for both of you. When you spend more time mentally prepping yourself for the ride than actually enjoying the ride itself, you need to start questioning why. Riding should feel empowering, not anxiety driven.
Photo by Kamille Huff
2. You Don’t Look Forward to Riding
We’ve all had those days where we’d rather do anything else than saddle up. But, if those days turn into weeks or months, it could be a sign that your heart just isn’t in it anymore. Maybe you used to live for the trail rides, the lessons, the shows — but now you’re more interested in going for a hike or spending time with friends than going to ride your horse.
Everyone has a bad day (or week, or year), but when there’s no joy associated with the thought of spending time with your horse it’s worth asking yourself why. Does your horse give you joy? Are you and your horse meeting your goals together? Or are you dreading any time you have to spend with her? If the latter sounds more familiar, then it might be time to admit the relationship between you and your horse isn’t working out. Horses are expensive and time-consuming creatures. You deserve to enjoy your time with them.
Photo by Marcella Gruchalak
3. You’d Rather Borrow Someone Else’s Horse
Okay, now this is the ultimate betrayal to your horse — when you’d rather ride someone else’s horse than your own. If you’re actively avoiding your horse to ride another one, it’s like dating someone just because they have a nicer car (but you’re not really into them). Your current horse is probably picking up on the fact that you’re just not that into them anymore.
It’s not uncommon for people to have different riding preferences or goals, but if you find that you’re drawn to someone else’s horse because they feel easier to handle, more fun to ride, or less stressful, it’s time to reevaluate the situation. You deserve to have a horse you actually look forward to riding, not one you’re constantly trying to avoid.
Photo by Kamille Huff
4. Your Personalities Clash
Horses each have their own unique personalities. Some are assertive and confident, others are introverted and need reassurance. Some put their whole heart and soul into pleasing you while others do just enough to get by. In many instances, no matter how hard you try, your personality just doesn’t mesh with your horse’s.
Maybe your horse feeds off anxiety and louder voices and hands, and you need a mellow horse to boost your confidence. Maybe your horse likes to go full throttle 24/7 and you like to enjoy the scenery. If it feels like you are always working against their natural tendencies, you’re both going to get frustrated. Equestrian relationships are built on communication, trust, and compatibility, just like any other partnership. If you and your horse have fundamental personality differences, it’s going to make training, riding, and general interactions stressful.
Photo by Marcella Gruchalak
5. You’ve Stopped Progressing (or Have Gone Backwards)
Every rider goes through slumps, but if you feel like you’re stuck in an endless loop of stagnation (or worse, regressing), it’s worth considering whether you and your horse are simply not suited to each other. It could be that your horse has physical limitations or behavioral quirks that make it hard to progress to the level you aspire to, and no amount of training or effort is making a difference.
Alternatively, perhaps you’ve outgrown your horse. You might have started with a calm, beginner-friendly mount, but now you’re looking for something with a bit more fire and athleticism to keep you challenged. This isn’t a judgment on either you or your horse, it’s just the natural progression of a rider’s growth. Sometimes, it’s just time for a change.
6. You’re Constantly Injured or Feeling Defeated
Accidents happen, but if you find yourself in the dirt and hurt more often than not, and it’s not because of freak accidents, it could be a sign that your horse isn’t the right fit. Maybe they’re too strong for you to handle, or too spooky to be trusted in certain situations. If you’re constantly injured or recovering your confidence from a fall, it’s hard to enjoy riding.
If I’m being brutally honest and transparent, no one likes the embarrassment of feeling like they’re a walking disaster zone. If you feel like this more than 50% of the time, it’s probably time to admit that you’re not a match made in equestrian heaven.
Photo by Megan McConnell
6. You’re Feeling Guilty
We’ve all been there — the guilt trip. You feel like you should enjoy your horse, like you should keep trying to make it work, but it’s just not fun anymore. This is the toughest pill to swallow. Holding onto that guilt does more harm than good, for both you and your horse. How long do you wait it out to realize they deserve a rider who can truly appreciate their strengths, and you deserve to have a horse that fits your needs and goals?
It’s okay to admit that things aren’t working out, that there is a lack of connection there. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed — it means you’ve recognized that sometimes, the best thing for both the horse and rider is to part ways and find the right match.
To come to the decision that you and your horse are not the right fit does not mean you’re giving up on them. It’s a high level of personal reflection allowing you and the horse to move forward and be successful with other partners. Recognizing that you and your horse aren’t the right match is not a failure. It’s a decision to ensure that both you and your horse get the best possible experience. When you sell a horse you’re not compatible with, you’re giving the horse a opportunity to thrive with a rider who understands their needs and temperament. .
There are plenty of other horses out there looking for their lifelong partner — don’t be afraid to admit you need to find a horse that best suits you and it’s not the horse you own.
