Losing and Gaining Confidence: Surrounding Yourself With the Wrong People
“Whether because of ego, pride, or personal agenda, the push to win became bigger than the push to do what was right for the horse or myself. I didn’t see it because I was convinced I was surrounded by the right people.”
Horse Nation is excited to announce a new series that will focus on one of the trickier parts of riding: confidence. Confidence is one of those fragile elements that, once shaken, can be hard to regain. In this series, staff writer Marcella Gruchalak will discuss a variety situations that can cause a rider’s confidence to crumble and practical approaches that have helped her rebuild her confidence.
As riders and competitors, we know there is a nearly infinite number of situations that can decrease our confidence level while riding. These situations can be anything from taking a fall to losing a trusted equine partner to browsing other people’s social media successes too often. Any of these factors can create uncertainty, fear, and/or difficulty finding enjoyment in the sport.
In this series, I want to focus on a variety of these situations and discuss ways to work through them. These are all things that I’ve experienced, and the methods I am discussing are things that have helped me regain confidence as a rider. We’ve all been there. The experience of losing confidence — for lack of a better term — sucks. But, if you keep putting yourself in the right situations and state of mind, the confidence does come back.
Surrounding Yourself With the Wrong People
Canva/CC
This one may be the ultimate confidence killer. Surrounding yourself with the wrong people will keep you in a funk longer than you realize. I’m not saying these people are bad people but they’re the individuals that have a negative outlook, don’t want you to do better than them, or don’t have the same goals as you. Life is hard enough — keeping the company of the wrong individuals will make it even tougher.
One specific group of people that comes to mind as I write this was made up of a individuals who I considered good friends. I soon found out they were plotting different agendas behind my back, and not providing me with the resources I needed to be successful with my horses. I was lacking growth and enjoyment with my horses, which are my top goals. Whether because of ego, pride, or personal agenda, the push to win became bigger than the push to do what was right for the horse or myself. I didn’t see it because I was convinced I was surrounded by the right people. It wasn’t until later down the road others opened up and explained to me that I was with the wrong crowd to be successful.
So, how do you get away from people you consider friends because they are bringing down your confidence?
- Be cognizant of which individuals celebrate your wins with you. The right people will be happy for you and will be excited about your success.
- Surround yourself with positive people. Positivity radiates confidence. Remember that the more you surround yourself with something, the more it becomes you.
- Make a conscious decision to make the change. Cutting out people from our lives is hard. However, to gain confidence, you have to surround yourself with people that make you feel that way. Create boundaries and stick to them. Cut out the people from your life that continue to bring your confidence level down.
It’s amazing how much your mindset can change when you surround yourself with the right people. Below is a photo with me and some of my friends/part of my awesome support network after winning my class at the Ohio State Shoot:
Photo courtesy of Marcella Gruchalak.
When it comes to rebuilding your confidence with your horse, keep going. There is no one cure-all method to regaining confidence. Riding horses is hard work that takes courage and mental toughness. Every rider, amateur to professional, has points in their riding career where they experience fear, self-doubt, and insecurity. Keep working at it and trying your best and you’ll find the confidence does eventually come back.
