Horse Sale Ads, Translated

Selling horses can be frustrating, entertaining and maddening, but buying horses can be downright frightening. So we at Horse Nation are here to help make things as easy for you as possible. Here is the definitive guide to horse sale ads (all meant in good fun, of course). 

Pixabay/Hannelore Louis/CC

When you’re perusing horse sale ads, there often is some creative language included in the description. But what are sellers actually trying to say? Here’s a translation guide for all horse buyers out there.

• Started — rode once
• Green broke — rode twice
• Ready to show — green broke
• Barrel racing prospect — just off the track
• Hunt seat prospect — should be on the track
• Western pleasure prospect — too slow for barrel racing; also, probably lame
• Catty — will scoot out from under you and leave you in the dirt
• Cutting prospect — turns and runs when frightened
• Reining horse prospect — spins and runs when frightened
• Trail horse prospect — no performance talent; also, probably lame
• Lesson horse potential — you can kick all you want, but this horse ain’t movin’; also, probably lame
• Will need a light refresher — was only every green broke, then sat in the pasture for six years
• Youth prospect — small, quiet and lame
• Needs a job — no longer want this freeloader on my feed bill
• Likes to be in a program — effing insane if not worked into a lather at least once a day, maybe twice
• Sadly outgrown — not talented and/or sound enough for the upper levels
• Brave to the fences — no sense of self-preservation, good luck
• Broodmare prospect — too lame to do anything else and has one recognizable name on its pedigree; also, female
• Companion horse — very old or very lame, probably both
• Beginner friendly — lame in both front legs
• Anyone can ride — lame in all four legs
• Bombproof — lame in all four legs, deaf, blind
• Needs an intermediate rider — runaway
• Needs an experienced rider — potentially lethal
• Five figures — I’ll decide exactly how much based on the car you drive when you pull up
• For sale, not on sale — way too much money
• PM me for details — don’t want to list this horse’s issues in public
• Priced for a quick, uncomplicated sale — please don’t do a PPE because it will not pass
• Open to reasonable offers — please take it before I have to declare bankruptcy
• Must sell — insurance company threatened to drop me
• Sacrifice sell — family won’t come back until it’s gone
• Very negotiable — get this demon of a horse off my property before it kills someone
• Free to a good home — old, lame, mean, probably will eat your children
• 15.2 hh — 14.2 hh
• 16.3 hh — 15.3 hh
• Attractive — bay
• Flashy — piebald
• Hancock bred — looks sort of roan, probably a jerk
• Linebred — has a third eyelid and blood won’t clot
• Homebred — I bred some random mare to a poorly conformed stallion that was a pretty color and realized I produced trash that I would now like to pass on to you
• Can be registered — I think I know which stud got the mare
• Pony type — small and hairy
• Warmblood type — big and hairy
• Draft type — extremely big and hairy
• TB type — Big motor
• Endurance type — extremely big motor
• Easy keeper — laminitic 10 months of the year
• Hard keeper — I hope you own a feed mill
• Five panel clean — nothing else going for it, so I am grasping at straws
• Grade, 8 – 10 years old — grade, 12 – 16 years old
• Great for the vet — and sees the vet… a lot
• Has a lot of rate — barrel crashing shin breaker
• Has a lot of scope — has jumped the pasture fence more than once
• Athletic — just watch its rollbacks, bucks, spins, and rears as you try to catch and tame it
• Hasn’t been hauled in a while — it’s going to take six of us and a lunge whip to get this horse on your trailer, when it will immediately trash said trailer
• Learning to pick up its feet — will double barrel kick your farrier without sedation
• Mareish — watch out, this horse actually is a fire breathing dragon and will bite you, your children and your dog
• Minor blemishes, but sound — please don’t do a PPE
• More go than whoa — can’t stop, won’t stop
• Needs shoes every four to five weeks — crippled
• Stands great for farrier — constantly looses shoes so has lots of practice
• Related to Secretariat — a Thoroughbred

Shout out to my friends at The Western Thoroughbred for their input, support and endless humor when it comes to our horses, the things they do, the things they need and the creative ways in which people try to sell them.