A Day in the Life of a Pony Named Pony: New Year’s Resolutions

In an effort to hold herself accountable, Pony shares her New Year’s resolutions.

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like in the mind of a pony, wonder no more. Here are the hilarious inner workings of a sassy and opinionated pony named Pony.

Illustration by Jenny Kammerer. You can find her on Instagram at @jennykammart.

Dear Diary,

It’s a new year. Whoopee.

For as much as I enjoyed watching the humans despair over 2020, I am ready for 2021. Last year really did not pan out how I had hoped, so I am ready for some renewal, rebirth and the chance to do better in 2021. So, without further ado, here are my New Year’s resolutions for 2021.

1. Get caught far less. 
Yes, I admit it. I allowed myself to be tempted by the promise of treats and brushes, none of which were worth it in the end. I must stay strong! Each time a human comes out with treats for the other horses, I can’t help myself. I wander over to see if they have anything for me, and them — BAM! Around my neck goes the lead rope and into the barn I must go. Then I have to endure the torture of toting around small humans, getting my feet trimmed or even being seen by the vet. Why do I always allow my weakness for tasty snacks to get the better of me?

2. Get more exercise.
Trite though it may be, I really do need to get more exercise. After all, how else can I expect to avoid capture if I get easily winded? I could make much better use of the pasture and horses at my disposal. There are always at least three — usually four — other horses in my particular section of the confinement center. I have yet to introduce most of them to my favorite pastime. Boxing them would provide both entertainment and exercise, so I look forward to more of it in 2021.

3. Read more books.
I’m totally kidding. Ponies don’t read. However, I do resolve to study more: study the fencing in my confinement center for signs of weakness and possible escape routes, study the humans for signs of weakness and possible means of escape, study the other inmates at the confinement center for signs of weakness and possible means of entertainment… You get the idea.

In general, I like to keep my list of goals short and achievable. Three should suffice for this year. We’ll see how I do throughout the year before I add more for 2022.

‘Til next time, Diary.

Malevolently,
Pony