Satire: New Hair Shades to Appeal to Equestrians

“Because of this price drop and catchy names for the color shades we expect to climb out of our three-year downward spiral of losses, and we all know most horse people are poor enough as it is, so this price break will really appeal to them.”

Modeling “Definitely Straw Not Hay” (Pixabay/CC)

This fall, the mega-mogul hair color company Clairol has tapped into a niche market to create a whole new line of hair dye colors to appeal to horse girls everywhere.

Hitting shelves starting the end of October, you can expect to see boxes of hair color named after things dear to our hearts. For example, “Red Chestnut Mare” is a fiery shade of auburn that brings out the little firecracker in you.

Clairol spokesman Tom Thumbstein told the press last month that he expects Clairol stocks to skyrocket with this new line of color he dubs “The Modern Equestrian.”

Thumbstein said in his latest interview “with the current market priced as it is for hair color we have come out with a whole new color line that is priced a dollar below the national average. Because of this price drop and catchy names for the color shades we expect Clairol to climb out of its three-year downward spiral of losses, and we all know most horse people are poor enough as it is, so this price break will really appeal to them.”

The Modern Equestrian line has colors like “Definitely Straw Not Hay” that brings out your best shade of blonde without that washout greenish tinge that can happen when you go platinum.

“Dried Horse Apples” is a nice dark chestnut with golden hints when you’re in bright daylight.

“Dapple Gray” is the it color for our senior ladies that don’t want to look washed out when they’re going all natural.

Maybe it’s your first time coloring and you don’t want to do anything too drastic? Stick to shades like “Mineral Oil Tubing” and “Betadine” that just add some shine to your hair and a dash of color that more just brightens your spirits than changes your look.

For more information and where to buy, please visit this informational website.