Best of Craigslist, Volume 55

This honest ad was so good, it deserved a ‘Best of Craigslist’ commendation all its own.

Every now and then an ad comes along that’s just so good (or…bad? Hard to say) that we feel it deserves its very own post. This is one of those ads. With thanks to reader Karen who submitted this gem: (click the photo to be directed to the actual ad)

On one end of the “Utility Scale” there is a label for ‘Swiss Army Knife’. On the other; ‘Tits On A Boar Hog’. Somewhere in the ‘Pogo Stick In Quicksand’ area is Monty. His only marketable skill is grass cutting (and even that he does a shit job of). He is the lazy do-nothing teenager who I am now kicking out of my house to live in the real world.

But hes cute. And hes funny. And his stumpy little legs carry him over the yard at breakneck speeds with jumps, kicks, and adorable little bucks thrown in just for fun. You watch him careen around a curve and wonder just how he manages to stay upright. Like the bumble bee, little Monty’s propensity NOT to wipe out every time he gallops around in circles is to remain a mystery.

A light shaggy grey in winter, he dapples out and darkens in summer. Its not the worst color available to a horse, but certainly not the best. Mostly he just looks dirty. I think way back in his lineage must be a potbellied pig, because he LOVES his mud baths. His poor mane and tail do not grow, and he is forever doomed to an awkward length between laid over and sticking straight up. He is so ugly as to be absolutely precious. He’s not old, only 5, and is going to be his current height of 28″ for the rest of his life.

When I got Monty last year, he had been turned loose on 20 acres with his 34″ tall, 6 year old black stallion buddy Cristo (get it? Monty Cristo?!?! I crack me up) and together they evaded all capture. Their owners contacted me to remove them from the property because, well, its not fun to own an animal you can never touch. I think Monty and Cristo felt it wasnt fun to be caught and loaded into my trailer, but they dont pay the mortgage. Im glad I stepped in, because poor Monty’s feet were in absolutely terrible condition and they were both significantly overweight (20 acres of grass will do that to a little fatass like him!). He was at risk of founder and needed immediate vet and farrier attention.

I had every intention of spending every day sitting on my front lawn and coaxing Monty and Cristo into loving me. Sadly, I overextend myself and time got away from me. I fed them through the worst hay shortage Ive ever seen, just to be sure they wouldnt suffer or starve in their next home. With that risk squarely behind us (because there is SO. MUCH. HAY. this year) I feel its time to begin looking for potential adopters. They know what treats are, and they are willing to come take them from me. Catching them can still be tricky, but they are easy to run into a stall and into a trailer.

Both Monty AND Cristo are looking for a new home. They can go together or separately, though bonding will be easier for the new owners if they are separated. Monty OR Cristo would also make a good companion for a lonely horse on small acreage that wouldnt support two full sized horses. They would be awesome cart ponies for someone looking to take on a small (and therefore less dangerous?) training project. They would even make AMAZING kids or service ponies if you drugged them half to death (Im joking, please dont do this). THEY ARE NOT FOR HERD PROTECTION. A COYOTE WOULD EAT MONTY ALIVE!! Mini mules are not suited for this job, Monty cant even protect himself from my toothless german shepherd.

Basically, Ive done as much as I can do for now. I have gotten them started on a better, brighter path that included coggins, vaccinations, hoof care, and some moderate weight reduction. They are currently fed alfalfa/bermuda and are not on any feed. They have lived in my dog-wire-fenced front yard because my pasture fences are a joke to all livestock. They have eaten my sod to nothing and have decimated my landscaping. But that is all okay; and so worth it. Ive appreciated this time with them and hopefully their next owners will love them just as much, but will be in a better position to get them handled and working a job. ANY job. Like a teenager, they need to start somewhere- complete their education to make them productive members of equine society.

Adoption fee for Monty OR Cristo is $200, for both together its $300. No resale agreement for 1 year post adoption (this is to prevent flipping or taking to auction to make a quick buck and potentially injuring someones kid).

Here is video of the two playing: https://youtu.be/4heibJQX1Yg

LOCATED IN ATHENS, GEORGIA

Readers, if you run across an “interesting” ad in your Internet wanderings, send it our way! Email the link to [email protected]. Who knows – maybe you’ll help connect a horse with a safe, loving home. Go Riding.