Why Horse People Should Theoretically Be Awesome at Christmas Lights

Untangling is one of those magical, unspoken skills of the true horseman. So clearly, we should have the best Christmas lights on the block! Right?

Photo by Via Tsuji, cc/flickr

You know what I’m talking about. Your fingers are as dexterous with leather as a surgeon is with sinew.

My tack would totally high-five me, too, if it could.

You can take this:

And turn it into THIS: (with your eyes closed and a hand behind your back; thanks, Pony Club)

In fact, that’s nothing. This old thing?

photo by Patrick Docken, cc/flickr.

Give any cowboy worth half his salt five minutes and he’ll have it like THIS:

In about an hour, you’ll have a box of this:

looking like:

Photo courtesy of Rocking G Ranch

So, in theory, that giant box of last year’s hastily stashed Christmas lights should be quivering in fear about the can of whoop-@ss you’re about to unleash here in perfectly clean and orderly awesomeness. This is your house, right?

Photo by Carol Franks, cc/flickr

Except, you’ve been at the barn all day, and 3 of the water heaters shorted, and the horses all destroyed their blankets overnight, and the washrack pipes froze and then flooded and then froze again so there’s an ice rink in the aisle way and Joey colicked and your mom called 8 times to remind you not to wear paddock boots to Aunt Lily’s Cocktail Christmas Party like LAST YEAR and there’s hay in your bra, so yeah, probably your Christmas lights are all:

“I hung the effing lights” by Peas, cc/flickr

Happy Holidays, Horse Nation, and Go Riding!