12 Signs You May Be a Horse Husband

You were the groom on your wedding day … and you’re destined to be a groom for the rest of your life, too. Horse husbands (and their equestrian wives), this one’s for you.

Waiting patiently in the rain at equestrian wife’s dressage show. Photo courtesy of David Taylor.

Maybe you’re in denial, or maybe you’re just not sure. Here are 12 signs that you might be a horse husband.

1. Your bathroom reading material consists of SmartPak catalogs and horse magazines.
2. Your weekend revolves around your wife’s horse show schedule. No Sunday football for you. Sunday is Show Day.
3. You think your wife might be having an affair since she’s never at home. You hire a private investigator and find out she’s been spending all her time at the barn, and yes, she’s having an affair. His name is Rusty, and he’s a 16 hands and has four white stockings.
4. You feel that most of your time with your wife involves being her personal Sherpa, Carrying buckets and stacking hay.
5. Your anniversaries are spent at George Morris clinics.
6. Your wife always forgets your birthday, but somehow remembers all of her horses’ birthdays, plus what time of the day they were born.
7. You don’t understand why your wife couldn’t be content owning a pair of cute, cuddly hamsters.  Instead she is only satisfied with a thousand-pound animal that costs a year’s salary to support and tries to kill you on a continuous basis.
8. You’re still driving your car from high school, while your wife insists on a new truck every year, to keep up with her horse’s demands.
9. You’re forced to go to dinner with your wife’s friends. The dinner conversation consists only of horse talk. You smile and nod to their faces, then sneak into the bathroom and cry and ask God “why me?”
10. Trying to get a conversation out of your wife consists of head shakes and grunts, as her face is constantly buried into her cell phone looking for the next horse to rescue off of Craigslist.
11. Last Christmas your wife thought it would be funny to leave you a pair of breeches under the tree from Santa.
12. When you’re ready to give up and throw in the towel, you get home to find a horse for YOU is waiting in the barn. Oh joy.

Horse husbands intently watching a clinic. Photo courtesy of David Taylor.

Are you a horse husband? Do you have any other warning signs you’d like to add to the list? Shout out in the comments section!

Special thanks to David Taylor of Eventing Nation for use of images.

Crashing at a horse show. Photo courtesy of David Taylor.