Dear Future Trainer (A Parody of ‘Dear Future Husband’)

Crank it up and sing along!

By Ashleigh Lacher

Dear future trainer,
Here’s a few things you need know if you wanna be
My one and only all show season

Take me to a show
No charge for the tow
And don’t forget a groom that I don’t have to pay
Cause if you treat me right,
I’ll put in the perfect ride
Don’t know my leads
But-but I can jump 3 feet

You got that 9 to 5,
But, trainer, so do I
So don’t be thinking you won’t be schooling my horse at 10 at night
I need to check my post,
But I’m less obvious than most
Sing along with me
Sing-sing along with me, (hey)

You got to know how to treat me like a baby
Even when my horse is crazy
Tell me I had the perfect ride

Dear future trainer,
Here’s a few things you need to know if you want to be
My one and only for show season

Dear Future Trainer,
If you want to get that special mention,
Tell my horse it’s beautiful and feed it carrots every night

After every fight,
Just apologize
And maybe then I will let you tell me how to count my strides right
Even if I was wrong,
You know I’m never wrong
Why disagree?
Why do you think you know more than me?

You got to know how to treat me like a baby,
Even when my horse is crazy
Tell me I had the perfect ride

Dear Future Trainer,
Here’s a few things you need to know if
You want to be my one and only
All show season

Dear Future Trainer,
Make time for me,
Don’t leave me lonely
And you’ll never see your family more than my equine

I’ll be waiting outside the arena (hey)
Wipe my boots and you might get a thank you,
Don’t be a lazy guy,
Brush my horse til it shines
Brush my horse,
Brush, brush my horse, babe

You got to know how to treat me like a baby
Even when my horse is crazy
Tell me I had the perfect ride

Dear Future Trainer,
Here’s a few things you need to know if you want to be
My one and only all show season

Dear future trainer,
If you want to get that special mention
Tell my horse it’s beautiful and give it apples every night

Dear future trainer,
Treat me right…

Ashleigh Lacher is a full time single parent, horse show mom and occasional dressage rider. She loves her horses but spends more time taking care of them and grooming for her teenage daughter than actually riding, but she loves every minute of it!