11 Equestrian Problems: Male Rider Edition
Men who start riding because of their significant other’s bad influence may have no idea what they’re getting into…
Top photo: Flickr user Wendy /CC
Gone are the days of calvary men jumping off houses for the heck of it–now that horseback riding is generally a more popular hobby for women, a lot of male riders find their way into the sport through their significant others.
This is exactly what happened to my unfortunate fiancé. And now that he has started taking riding lessons himself, he’s found so many things to be an uphill battle. For example…
All the breeches that manage to leave something to the imagination are over $100.
And they still don’t fit right.
Then your significant other gets sick and tired of your saggy breeches and attempts to fix them.
The lady at the tack shop smiles at you like, “Oh, how cute. Your horse-crazed significant other is making you try riding for a month.”
At first all the female attention at the barn is great…until they’re all there to watch you put the halter on backwards. For the fourth time.
When an 11-year old on a pony has more riding ability in one boot than you have in your entire body, it kind of makes you wonder why you even bother.
Watching cute girls (good) pick up poop (gross) makes it hard to come up with a convincing pick-up line.
The first time a man tries the sitting trot, it makes him suspect that he may have given up the ability to ever have children.
There’s something about women flinging heavy haybales and feed bags around without a second thought that makes you question your own manliness.
Before you actually take your first lesson, you’re positive you’ll be galloping and jumping in a day or two. After the 10,345th time your instructor tells you keep your heels down (by your third lesson or so), you may have some doubts.
“How about we jump the invisible one in the middle today?”
You thought you could handle excitement and danger…until a horsefly attacks, and you realize you are almost completely powerless in the face of the universe.
And, of course–if your significant other is the one who got you into this whole putting-your-life-in-the-hooves-of-a-suicidal-flight-animal thing, you know you’re never really going to be her main man.
Wikimedia Commons: Didier.tresse /CC
Go Riding.
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