‘We Don’t Have Tack for That,’ Presented by ThinLine: Etsy Breeches FAIL Edition

We’ve checked out helmets and boots on Etsy — today we run a search for riding breeches.

Etsy, for the uninitiated, is a wonderland for uh, “unique,” items of apparel. And some of these vendors are definitely playing fast and loose with the term breeches. Let’s kick off the freak show with these Blue Equestrian Pants…

Etsy shop: honeymoonmuse

You know who these breeches would look good on? NO ONE.

Etsy shop: honeymoonmuse

These Vintage English Riding Breeches are basically OK, but the rest of the outfit needs serious help. Imagine the looks you would get if you showed up at the barn in suspenders and a coon skin hat.

Etsy shop: LaPouleNoire

Vintage Style Equestrian Riding Pants: There is a reason why these things went out of style several decades ago.

Etsy shop: Reenacat

Nope.

Vintage Jodhpurs. Etsy shop: VeraVague

Still nope. Even you cannot pull this look off, svelt doe-eyed model girl.

Blue Velvet Vintage Jodhpurs. Etsy shop: BetaApparel

From the description of these G&G Riding Leggings: “Just like the horse riding pants you wore as a youngin’ in Finishing School, but with some SPANDEX ON YO’ AZZ!”

You’ve got to be kidding me.

Etsy shop: MessQueenNewYork

And last but not least, for all you dudes out there, here’s something you won’t find in the SmartPak catalog: Latex Rubber Jodhpurs.

Etsy shop: HOUSEofHARLOT

I’m not even going to try to top that. Microphone drop. The end.

ThinLine pads can’t stop you from making poor Etsy breeches purchase decisions, but they WILL keep you and your horse performing at your best. ThinLine pads use non-compression technology to dissipate impact and pressure, creating a more comfortable riding experience for you and your horse.

Check out ThinLine’s complete line of shock-absorbing saddle pads and other products for horse and rider, including saddles, horse boots, hoof pads, tack and more. Be sure to follow them on Facebook and Twitter as well!

Go ThinLine, and Go Riding!