‘We Don’t Have Tack For That,’ Presented by ThinLine: eBay Art Edition

Would you pay ONE MILLION DOLLARS for this terrifying work of “art”? And we’ve got more where that came from…

Let me tell you about this first piece, “The Four Horses of the Apocalypse” by Dan Painter, which is currently up for sale on eBay for $1,000,000. You can’t really tell from the picture, but the horses are actually life-sized and, in fact, made from the skeletons of actual horses. Dan explains his artistic process:

Four horse carcasses were purchased from a local slaughterhouse, wrapped in chicken wire and placed in our pasture. The chicken wire allowed bugs to clean the bones while keeping animals from scattering them.  After one year the bones were sun bleached and workable. Using rods, pins and dowels I put the horses back together. They are now charging out of an antiqued ornate gold frame which carries its own significance. The skulls I created and filled the border with represent an almost holocaustic cross section of a mass burial site.

Sounds great Dan, thanks for giving us all nightmares FOREVER.

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Our next piece, also priced at $1,000,000, is by an abstract artist who goes by the name Tommervik. It’s called “Horse Racing Jockey” — real original, I know. He has 106 paintings currently for sale on eBay, and favorite subjects include Elvis, teddy bears and dollar bills. Many of the paintings are listed for a million dollars. You’ve got to admire an artist who is shooting for the stars.

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Finally! A painting we can afford — NOT. “Mad Horse” is a bargain at $319,000 and features what appears to be a horse head attached to a stick by a string. The artist, Borislac Boro Jankovic, writes:

In the time of heavy war in Bosnia and Herzegovina, violence, destruction and the decline of the spirit and creative life, the idea of this painting came to existence. The painting doesn’t directly depict war, death and misery caused, but certainly, within the contents of the image, the tone, and within the plot it is implied. A far more pronounced message of the canvas is about the clash of life and technology, of animate and inanimate. This is symbolized by a dramatic encounter of a living being, in this case a horse, and an appliance invented by man. The horse represents life on the planet Earth at risk of total extinction and silent exodus. The horse is in fact an autobiographic representation of the author, the artist himself may be the horse. He has the force and willpower to win, and he is firmly entrenched into the earth. With the neck as one of the more subtle but powerful parts of the body, the horse strikes against an electric pole just to realize it got entangled around it. There is even an option that the pole hit the horse, which was feasible due to a possible fall from deterioration. Harnessed on a carriage lies the city, the horse is trying to pull it away from a certain cataclysm. Electric pole interferes with him doing so, but by the looks and determination of the animal we still keep this confident feeling that it may succeed. Maybe the horse needs help, he is alone, it is necessary to get someone else involved. Figure requires and invites the viewer to do it. The animal is not broken or hurt, its neck is elongated and bent around the pole, there is no blood, no wounds. It has the opportunity to succeed but there isn’t much time left, mankind is at stake, mankind is the horse. You need to approach the horse, disentangle it, help the city and the horse find their way to vegetation. The fuzzy desert environment warns that the sun is hidden by smoke fire and clouds of dust, the ozone drama warns of possible end of civilization and life. It is important that the horse doesn’t give up, he only got stuck, he warns and urges action to help and leaves a message of hope that it is not all over yet.

Oh, thanks, now I get it. It’s a horse with its neck wrapped around a telephone pole that represents the oppression of mankind — duh. Thanks for clearing that up for us.

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Finally, something that will look good on the mantle: a “Chinese magnificent Jade horse trophy & lid” priced at just $250,000. It’s from the Period of Warring States in ancient China (450 B.C.E. – 220 B.C.E.) which explains why it looks so old and crappy. From the description: “This kind of trophy used to awarded for the famous worriers, generals and heroes in the Period of Warring States in ancient times in China.” I wish I lived in ancient China! I definitely could have won some awards for worrying. The description also notes that there are two cracks across the body of the horse, and that the neck has been glued back on. Definitely worth $250,000.

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And… moving right along to one more seriously unimpressive painting. “Rearing Horse with Mounted Police Trooper” by Olaf Wieghorst rings in at the low, low price of $220,000. Even though Olaf was not the most amazing painter, he did lead a pretty interesting life — Wieghorst was a stunt rider for a Danish circus before immigrating to the United States at the age of 19, where he was part of the U.S. Cavalry’s mounted patrol. Also, he appeared in two John Wayne movies in the 1960s, which is pretty cool. But I still wouldn’t buy the painting.

ThinLine may not be able to stop you from blowing hundreds of thousands of dollars on ugly horse art you found on eBay, but they can keep you and your horse performing at your best. ThinLine pads use non-compression technology to dissipate impact and pressure, creating a more comfortable riding experience for you and your horse.

Check out ThinLine’s complete line of shock-absorbing saddle pads and other products for horse and rider, including saddles, horse boots, hoof pads, tack and more. Be sure to follow them on Facebook and Twitter as well!

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