Fit to Ride: The equestrian humblebrag

HN hardbody Biz Stamm introduces us to the term “humblebrag” and explains how to spot it in the horse world.

From Biz:

Not only am I huge fan of the Horse Nation equestrian-style of comedy, I am also a huge fan of comedy in general. One day while listening to the podcast Comedy Bang Bang, Parks and Recreation writer Harris Wittels introduced me to the humblebrag and my life was forever changed. Urban dictionary defines humblebrag as:

Subtly letting others now about how fantastic your life is while undercutting it with a bit of self-effacing humor or ‘woe is me’ gloss.”

Since discovering the humblebrag, I’ve made somewhat of a hobby of sarcastically humblebragging and calling others out on their own humblebragginess. For today’s Fit to Ride, I’ve come up with some fitness/equestrian humblebrags that I would like to use my expertise to interpret for you.

The humblebrag: “WTF, man! Now that I’ve lost weight, all my breeches are baggy.”

Interpretation:  “Hey!  Don’t I look awesome?!  I really look awesome!”

The humblebrag: “My arms are looking so manly from lugging around hay and water buckets all the time.”

Interpretation: “My arms look so good Evangaline Lily would be jealous.”

The humblebrag: “Ugh! My abs are so sore from sitting my horse’s gigantic trot!”

Interpretation: “My horse is incredibly gifted–probably the next Totilas–and not only do I get to ride that magnificent beast, but I have a six-pack from doing so.”

The humblebrag: “I have such a hard time finding breeches that fit. My legs are just too long and skinny.”

Interpretation: “I’m an Amazonian goddess with legs that go forever!”

The humblebrag: “It’s so hot down here in ‘Slow-cala’!”

Interpretation: “Yep. I’m in Ocala and you’re stuck in the cold b&$ches!!”

Photo by Visionaire/Eventing Nation

Go riding!

Biz Stamm is the 29 year old trainer and instructor of Stamm Sport Horse, LLC, specializing in pure dressage, as well applied dressage for riders involved with other disciplines. Originally haling from Hudson, NH,  She is now living in Corvallis, OR. Biz started riding lessons at the age of 6 years old when the Dr. recommended that it may help with her bad balance and lack of coordination. While she is fairly coordinated and balanced on a horse these days, she is still somewhat of a mess on her own two feet.  

Biz currently owns two horses: her lesson horse, Kalvin, a 7 year old half-Arabian gelding…

… and her personal horse, Alpha Helix, a 2 year old Kiger mustang gelding.  Biz has had Helix since the day he was weaned, and considers him her “heart” horse.

Biz is also the proud owner (more like ownee!) of a 5 year old standard rex bunny named Pi Rex Rufuse (Get it!?  Pi r-squared!!!). Biz has always wanted to have some sort of mini horse to live in the house, and since the current landlords won’s allow any kind of equine on the property, Biz opted for a rabbit, which evolutionarily speaking, is very closely related to the horse.

After getting a Masters degree in Plant Pathology, and pursuing a career in the scientific world, it became clear to her that she was only truly happy when she was interacting with, or talking about horses (and sometimes rabbits). Now that she is riding full time, Biz still keeps her scientific training close at hand, focusing on correct biomechanics and physics involved in riding.