2013 Best of Craigslist Year-end Awards

Oh man, it’s been a good year for Craigslist horse ads, but a few of them just stood head and shoulders above the rest. Without further ado….

• MOST HONEST SELLER (Three-way tie)
  

POS AQHA Gelding Sorrel – $200 (St. Hedwig)

POS AQHA sorrel gelding-5 years old. Bronc stomper deluxe-rears, kicks, might bite. Has Alzheimer’s-have to start all over each day. Husband got kicked in knee, struck in face, then had a heart attack. Wife mad and thinks horse might be a candidate for dog food can. Can catch and may load in stock trailer. No coggins as we like our vet too much to injure him. Got anything to trade?? Must sign disclaimer against possible injury. Horse is in round pen waiting for you COWBOY! This is not a joke or written to be funny.

852-9233 please text or email

‘Miserable, cantankerous horse for sale – $1400 (New Haven)’

Meet Rotten Banana. My wife named him that before he was born 7 years ago, and for that reason I believe she is a true psychic medium.

Rotten Banana’s father was a registered Paint we owned, who was a valiant sweetheart of a horse but was ugly as sin. His mother is an evil wench, but is built like a brick house and is afraid of nothing. We thought the breeding might give us a valiant sweetheart who was built like a brick house. Instead, we got…..Rotten Banana.

Banana has a lot of…..personality. He has great ground manners. He loves attention. He is probably the best horse I have ever seen about picking up his feet. My 6 year old daughter can lead him anywhere.

And that’s where the good stuff ends, so….maybe stop reading here?

Still reading? Dammit.

Rotten Banana is very broke to ride and has hundreds of trail miles. Like his mom, he is afraid of nothing. He will go through brooks, mud, trees and not miss a step.

If he wants to.

If he doesn’t want to, he won’t do anything. Literally.

If you want to ride, he will just stand there. Whip and spur all you want, the best you will get is a half-hearted buck and a grunt. (The very reputable natural horsemanship trainer I paid $900 to work on this became as exasperated as i was.). If you want to put him on a trailer, and he doesn’t want to get on it, he will go backwards. Quickly. If you want to put a bridle on him, he will actually point his nose to the sky like a timberwolf. When you are not looking, he will either steal the hat off your head with his teeth, or grab your shirt and give you a tug.

In short, he is an ass.

So, if you’re looking for a project horse with lots of miles left in his- ta da! Here he is.

Someone with time could actually make a horse out of him. That person is not me.

Two rotten little donkeys – $500 (New Haven)

Juan and Paco, two rotten little donkeys. Both geldings, sort of halter broke, terrific lawn mowers. Horrible sense of humor.Hobbies include: braying loudly at 5 am (4:45 am if they we grained at 5 am the previous day – I think this is their idea of motivation?), eating, pooping, demanding you brush or rub on them if you are standing anywhere they can get to you. Good with kids, as long as your kids like lap donkeys. Bad with farriers, unless you really hate your farrier. But maybe your mother in law, or your boss, or your alcoholic brother is a farrier, so this could work out.

We have too many horses and I’m sick of fighting with them every time their feet get long. $35 in donkey dope usually fixes this, but I’m too old and cranky.

• BEST AD FOR A RIDING INSTRUCTOR

horse ridding lessons – $25 (Chenago Forks)

Western Style Ridding lessons
Trail Ridding and outdoor lessons
we ride in the snow and see some frozen meddows and threw 150 acres of trails
send me a email with your name and number and avilibilty
the weekends are free for me and some thursdays

• MOST OVERPRICED ITEM OF TACK

• BEST SALES PHOTO (Two-way tie)
  

7 y/o 15+hh paint horse – $1800 (Elkridge)

7 y/o 15+hh flashy, spirited, overo with black Paint horse gelding. One blue eye, one brown eye, Loves trails! Likes to jump, goes out alone or in a group. Not a beginner horse.

Grey racking horse – $450 (Kingsport\Rogersville, Tennessee)

10 yr old gelding nice as they come grey racking horse. Smooth rack as any and has good speed. Roads, trails, don’t matter. This horse is excellent on any. Anybody that can set in a saddle can ride this horse, would trust him with anyone. 14.3 hands tall. I will let him go for 450, that’s a steal on a great horse. 423-782-8827

• MOST CREATIVE USE OF STIRRUP LEATHERS

16″ Lancers English Saddle – $70 (newtown, ct)

nice saddle would be good trail saddle or lesson saddle no large scuffs or marks just need it gone don’t ride english anymore make me an offer doesn’t have stirrups or leathers 70obo text or call 203-364-7733

• BIGGEST TEASE (A reader went to try the horse and immediately got bucked off)

Greenbroke jumper for sale, jumping 4-5 ft – $2000 (Greenback)

Loud sorrel and white, paint/percheron cross gelding for sale. 6 years old, 16,2 hands, greenbroke. Has been ridden but no formal training. Needs experienced rider. Is jumping 4 ft. cattle panels and 5 ft. corral panels with no rider on his back. Will be awesome jumper with proper training. Has not been ridden in awhile. Need to sell ASAP. Will text pictures to serious enquiries only. 865-384-0881

• BEST AD FOR A HORSE TRAILER

One horse trailer – $500 (Mccleary)

In restoring process.
Clean title
light weight.
LED new marine lights
( 4 prong like on a boat)
Ramp load.
Very tall can easily fit a thoroughbred.

Very open to offers!
Will trade for horse cart/ waggon
Round pen panels

• WORST USE OF SPELLCHECK

Apalusa gelding 5yr old – $800 (napa county)

He’s a 5 year old Gelding apalusa very nice horse I just can afford having him. He’s a writable horse he rids good in a Snuffle bit For more information contact Andy At 707-337-5335 Make an offer.

• BEST “HELP WANTED” AD

Professional Equine Sheath Cleaning Monthly (Summit Loop Turner, Oregon)

Looking for a proffessional to clean my Norwegian/Belgian Draft horse’s Sheath. It will need attention on a monthly basis. I will interview you attaining your history in the Equine field and will be looking for the correct knowledge and process to properly groom and clean a sheath based on a medical or M. D. s procedure. You will provide a courtesy follow up after the procedure to assure your work and process has been effective. Compensation: $40 per session with a courtesy follow up after procedure.
Call Lindsey 503-580-8502

• BEST AD FOR BREEDING SERVICES

Horse Sperm for sale – $5 (Kansas City)

I have some horse sperm that I extracted from my horse and I hear people are in demand for it
Horse is pretty good looking so great for mating, got plenty of it so let me know if your interested

If interested give me a call at 785-383-8356

• TINIEST HORSE FOR SALE

dwarf horse – $300 (Moravia Iowa)

I have for sale a dwarf filly she is a appy with lots of markings,26 inches tall good health

• MOST IMAGINATIVE AD

unicorns for sale. Must go together. -$925000 (Goffstown)

We are selling 2 purebred unicorns. Male is 3 years old named Pagasus. Female is 5 years old and named Daisy. Price of $930,000 USD is per unicorn.

Unicorns are hand fed from birth, and require just as much attention if you do decide to welcome a unicorn into your home.

We are the only fully licensed unicorn breeder in North America, and are NUBAA certified. Call now to be put on the waiting list, on which wait times start at 9 months out

SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY PLEASE

We also offer unicorn eggs for purchase.

Go Riding.