Lauren Nethery: 30 things I’m thankful for in November

If you’re on Facebook, you’re probably aware of, if not participating in, the “30 Days of Thankfulness” thing. Here’s the final installation of Lauren’s month-long series.

From Lauren:

Greetings, Horse Nation!  You may recognize me from my weekly piece “Why Does My OTTB (insert quirk here)?” on Eventing Nation.  However, I am here on Horse Nation to jump on the Facebook bandwagon of “30 Things I Am Thankful For In November,” to share these things with you, and to put a smile on your face despite the impending doom that is certainly upon the horizon as your spouse’s entire extended family descends upon your house complete with screaming children slaloming around the dining room chairs, infants that spit up on your new couch, and grandparents that are so senile they keep calling your Billy Jo and asking about that time in Mississauga.  This is my last hurrah detailing the final seven things I am thankful for during this Thanksgiving week and I will take this time to go ahead and GOBBLE, GOBBLE in the spirit of all things covered in marshmallows, stuffed with stuffing, and, really, not charred from being forgotten in the oven while cleaning up the baby puke on your couch.

1. I am thankful that they make gloves with the little electric finger pads that make operating a touch screen easy peasy.  HOWEVER, do note that when it is cold and you have only just put your gloves on, I advise becoming proficient at operating your phone with the tip of your nose because gloves will not function until at least above the freezing temperature it seems.

SSG 2000 Grand Cell Mate

2. I am thankful that a certain national chain has decided to manufacture and sell blankets that attempt to imitate an Ed Hardy design.  Why would I be thankful for such an outlandishly ugly blanket, you ask?  Seeing ponies frolicking in the fields with skulls and fake tattoos all over their sides provides a never-ending source of hilarious entertainment.  Even the model in the picture knows she looks silly.  If only her owner shared the same sentiments.

Evie the Embarrassed Friesian.  Tap the Thoroughbred Terror has inherited this blanket but  doesn’t seem to notice it’s feminine persuasion.

3. I am thankful for the stealth skills, comparable to those of a Seal Team Six member, which I have learned from being a working student in several UL barns.  A practiced aptitude at being neither seen nor heard while still accomplishing a given task has been immensely beneficial during line-cutting endeavors in Black Friday madness.

4. I am thankful for hot stone pedicures that the local nail salon has recently decided to offer.  My hooves are in dire need of farrier care and my feet spend most of their day cold and even sometimes wet.  After the poor pedicurist breaks out the cheese grated, sand paper block, and rasp, the things attached to my legs sort of start to look like feet again and even thaw a bit thanks to the scalding hot stones they must surely import directly from hell.

5. I am thankful for the plentitude of pumpkin spice this time of year.  Even after having survived Thanksgiving and stomached the under cooked pies with burnt crusts, I happily bounded to Starbucks dark and late on Thanksgiving Eve to acquire a Venti Pumpkin Spice Latter with extra whip in preparation for a night of Black Friday chaos.  It is also worth mentioning that The Fresh Market now sells Pumpkin Gelato that is absolutely to die for.  Get some.  Today.

6. I am thankful for the farms that I horse sit for during the holidays.  Almost all of them have dogs that I get to play with for a week or so and then return to their owners.  I love dogs, especially smart, hard-working dogs.  I simply do not have enough time to devote to owning dog, however so I am forced to make due with caring for them during the holidays but at least it scratched my doggie-loving itch for a short time.

Max, owned by Dee Lee and begging for a treat.

7. I am thankful for the holiday ads for the training series videos from various “natural horsemen” and the like.  Not only are they an unlimited source of comedy during a gray time of year, but they advocate craziness that will invariably lead trampled, downtrodden, disheartened horse owners to my door to bring their beloved ponies back from the fantasy land of games and balls and carrot sticks and whips with bags on the end.  (Don’t go jumping all over me just yet!  Natural horsemanship has its place.  You certainly catch more flies/ponies with honey/molasses than you do with vinegar/chain shanks but seriously, what is going on \/ here \/ ?)

WTFrijoles?  This is apparently some sort of “breaking” strategy.  It appears to me that the only thing getting broken will be your leg when it becomes ensnared in the round pen panel after ponkins decides that the cougar assailing him needs to be removed.