Intervention: We think you have a problem

“Intervention” is a series in which we identify horsepeople whose compulsive behaviors have brought them to a point of personal crisis.

Today, we consider a letter submitted by a concerned husband and father.

From Horse Husband-Daddy:

Well, where do I begin… I suppose I should blame myself for not seeing this sooner. It all started on our first date. We went to visit her horse. She claimed there was full disclosure on her “illness” but I can assure you, that was not the case. I have even talked to her father about warranty issues and full disclosure on the whole horse thing. Now, I am not writing this so you will feel sorry for me (even though you should) but more to find a way to get her help.

So, my wife, Kristan, is completely (and I can’t emphasize that enough) insane when it comes to horses. The “problem” dates back to when she was born (apparently when spanked she whinnied instead of started crying). The good news (there must be good news, right?) is that she is extremely knowledgeable about horses.

Now, let’s talk about the fallout. Children. Since our twin girls were born, there were minor (not so minor now) hints that she would recruit them as well into the horse-atopia that would begin to consume them as well. For example, when they were just starting to walk, she would say, “Hey, lets get these comfy looking Ryobi shoes that will help them walk better…” –Pay no attention to the design (horses) on them. Or the bedding in their cribs had horses frolicking about to ensure they saw a horse at every turn of their wee little heads. Did I mention the stuffed animals that were primarily (read only allowed to be) horses. OK, that’s a little harsh but seemed accurate at the time. Today, my twin girls are riding their own ponies and have well over a hundred horse items in their room.

So what is the result of this laser like focus on horses for her entire life? Let’s see, every third word is somehow related to horses. Everything she reads is horses. Every website she visits has a horse related theme. Our upcoming vacation will be dedicated to a horse theme. Did I mention that one of my Father’s Day gifts was a book on how to build horse jumps?

This all sounds so bleak but in reality, she is very happy and enjoys every minute of her time with her horses. This includes showing horses, fox hunting and training her daughters to ride.

Please let me know if there is help or hope… they now even whinny together – I am scared….

Horse Husband-Daddy

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Dear Horse Husband-Daddy:

We regret to inform you that there is no hope or help.

And now you’re outnumbered as well. One horse husband/daddy vs. three horse-crazy girls? You don’t stand a chance.

Our only advice: Keep a checkbook handy.

Have fun building those jumps,

Horse Nation

If there is a horseperson in your life you would like to nominate for a spot on Intervention, or if you have self-identified that you need an intervention yourself, please email [email protected].