The Secret Life of McKenna & Dorito: Urban Dictionary

This week, HN’s 15-year-old blogger McKenna Oxenden educates all of us old people on what teenagers might think when they overhear us talking about horses.

From McKenna:

こんにちはHN! Some of you may be wondering what the heck that means… the answer is “Hello HN!” in Japanese. As a writer here at HN, my job is to let you know about horses… and new languages! So today, my friends, you are a little bit smarter than your average bear.

On with the post. When Webster’s fails me, you want to know where I head? Urban Dictionary. (Editor’s note: In case you’re old like me and unfamiliar with Urban Dictionary, it’s a reader-produced online “dictionary” wherein, basically, anyone can sign in and write definitions for any word.) For some reason schools don’t really advise the use of it, but I think it’s just fine. So without further ado, I present to you: Urban Dictionary Horse Sense. Here’s how it works: I am going to plug some everyday horsey words into Urban Dictionary, and we’ll see what turns up!

BREECHES
1. Colonial short-pants, made using a button fly and fastening below the knee, usually worn with stockings. Very manly, back in the day.
-“My, Lord Hendrickson has stunningly good breeches, wouldn’t you say, old chap?”
-“Yes, indeed.”

BRIDLE
M.O.: If you’d like to find out, you’ll have to look it yourself. *NWO (not work appropriate)*

DRESSAGE
An adjective used to describe something classy or just generally awesome. It can be adapted to cure one’s lack of a better word in most situations.
– “How do I look?”
– “You might want to dressage yourself up a bit.
– “Wow… very dressage.”

EQUESTRIAN
1. Person who likes to wear tight pants and use whips; however, do not make fun or else they will beat the [crap] out of you with the whip and then trample you with their horse.

PONY
1. (n): A loser, tool, or person of lower standing
2. (v): to own or humiliate through defeat
-“Man, what a pony; he was still buying when we planted.”
-“We ponied them pretty good, they forfeited after the half.”
M.O.: Well, ponies can be pretty “tricky wicky” (what happens in French class, gets made fun of outside).

SPURS
A [crap] football team who last won the league almost 50 years ago but whose fans still think they are better than The Arsenal, even though it takes roughly 9 years to beat them.
-“Spurs really are a rubbish club”
M.O.: Hold up. Are they talking about the Ravens and about how I’m still going to hurt Cundiff? Oh sorry… sensitive subject.

HOOF
Slang term given to Marijuana in Melbourne’s North Western suburbs.
-“Hey man, do you want to go for a hoof this afternoon? I got 5 grams.”
M.O.: Nice to know when I’m asking people to pick my horses hooves I’m asking them to pick Marijuana.

HORSE SHOES
1. A game when you throw metal horse shoes at a stick.
-“Horse shoes is the best game.”

MO: And just for giggles let’s take a look at what Urban Dictionary thinks of some people…

JOHN
One of the most amazing guys you will ever meet. Very sweet. Has a tendency of being really quiet and anti-social but is surrounded by friends all the time. People get attracted to his unique personality. Confuses you most of the time. He might flirt with you once, but you never know if that will happen again. A ladies-man. Very moody, he can change his mind in a second. Very independent, too. Lovely in general.
-Laura: “So you fancy the new guy, John?”
-Sarah: “I don’t know! He flirted with me once but that never happened again, so confused!”
M.O.: Wait? John can flirt? Nahh. I forgot he can’t get past the online chatroom at Equestrian Singles

LESLIE
(‘les-li) Noun: 1. An incredibly delightful, witty, and clever person known among members of the Quellhorst clan; 2. A rather emotional being, unpredictable in nature, but one who normally if not always begins with good intentions.
-“Leslie and her older sister share similar facial attributes.”
-“Leslie doesn’t ask to borrow things from me, but I love her anyhow.”
MO: Just by our pure email exchange I can tell she is a lovely lady!

MCKENNA
Usually a name for a person that is a walking Goddess. Gorgeous to the maximum, really fun to talk to, hilarious, loyal, sporty, easy to befriend, and she’s herself all the time. Doesn’t try to impress anyone, and hates when people try to impress her. McKennas are usually some-what short, and tend to be clumsy, but that’s why everyone loves her so much! Doesn’t like sharing her problems with anyone, she’d rather just keep quiet about it. She can brighten anyone’s day with her presence.
-“Have you seen a girl like McKenna lately?”
-“NOPE! she’s one of a kind.”
M.O.: I’m single and ready to mingle.

I’ll be back next week for some more insanity if not sooner. I guess it will depend upon Leslie’s sobriety during her BACHELORETTE PARTY! Please pay your congratulations for a great post to me. Wait! I mean please pay your congratulations to Leslie on her single days being gone! Until then, keep up the insanity.

-McKenna

(Photo: A McKenna Photoshop original.)